i love this song, and the meaning behind it.

breathe - taylor swift ft. colbie caillat

I see your face in my mind as I drive away
'Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm

Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
'Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

And I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy, easy for me
It's two a.m., feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy, easy for me

And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me, oh

I can't breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to
Breathe
Without you, but I have to

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry

note: "im sorry to all of the people and i have never ask forgiveness from, im sorry i am like this, and i am sorry we cant be what we wish we could be"

reading out of a script

i've always believe in the fact that whatever happen to us in this life, has been written on our 'book' and we're like characters - that played out the part on each sketched scene. the storyline is already there, but still it depends on whatever the actor or actress did at the time of filming that determine how the story will turn out like.

perhaps this is kind of like a super simple minded thinking. but regardless...

i saw a friend being jilted by her boyfriend, whom she has been waiting for the past one year or so. she was sad, devastated. but eventualy her life gets better, as she's now moving to a new job. probably a new life too. soon.

i saw a friend who work so hard to get what she wanted, even when she has to make a decision that is so utterly impossible. but she knew what she wants, and she works hard for it. i'd be lying if i say i don't envy her, but i take this as a good kind of envious. i envy her courage, admire her boldness. she just go for it.

as for me, i am still here, at the same spot, playing the same part. if im the real actress, i will probably win the most-boring-scene in an award. not probably, its surely. except maybe my storyline gets better nowadays, where now i have to add the factor of my dad putting himself in estranged, and the bills and whatnot thats amounting to more than what i can actually afford.

i still cannot drive and it sucks. i hate it. but i have no idea how i can work on 'how to know driving'. blerghh.

i still work at the same company where i began my life three years ago. although i don't hate it, but i cannot say that i like it. perhaps its because deep inside me, i had always wanted a new life. a new me.

but i don't see where to move on yet. im still in this nightmare, where everything is bearable, if not insufferable. and amazing enough, im still surviving, despite of all the hardness that linger.

there's one time when i feel the pain like a sharp knife stabbing on me, but on another second i am grateful of whatever that is given to me. though it wasn't the life that everyone will die for, its a good life anyhow. like, i was given this huge chance to sacrifice for others. and good enough, those that im sacrificing for, are my dear ones. those that i love.

so even though i feel that this rucksack im carrying is so heavy, i feel lighthearted cos i know im doing the right thing, at least for them.

as for my life, i'll figure it out later.