I had just finished reading my dear friend's blog. Who happened to live in Holland now, or migrated, i should say. She looks like having a lot of fun there, doing the cooking and the touring. Not to mention gardening. Jeez girl, i think Holland really put fun with capital F in your world. If we go back few years before, who would have thought that you, of all people, to do the cooking and gardening? And fretting about how her cooking is sometime good, sometime bad, but all the time eatable. And i also remember reading about some plant that grows, some flowers that had blossomed. Well, the last i saw you, the only thing you fret about is whether your shoes matching with your whole ensemble, among others petty little things. (oh i still remember our tagline whenever we want to go out on weekends - "barn leng leng". Sadly, nobody say that to me anymore nowadays.)
How time flies. Even faster than we think it is. Often, i find myself struggling - still playing that old catch-up game. I used to hope for a change, but when i think again, i find myself not wanting anything to change actually. I'd rather stay boring and stay put, than to have things shaken around me. I'd rather take the same old road every single step i walk through, than to walk different path and find (or having to face) different obstacles. am i that lazy? or just plain chicken-hearted? well maybe both.
I admire people who is willing to take up new things everyday. Their courage inspire me, but that's all. i dare not step in their shoes, living the adrenalin-pumping life for real. i don't think i can cope, or able to enjoy it.
so here i am, still the same me even year after year. nothing really happened, except for things i have no control over. i seemed to guard my heart too much it started to do nothing all. hey should i be worried?
and why on earth am i writing about this 'flaw' in my system now? maybe i'm started to realize that it wasn't a good thing to stay put, and dodge the changes every time and everywhere i go. maybe i started to try and make amend of the time i'd lost. well maybe.
i want the change to happen, yet i am too scared to face anything that comes with it. and don't tell me nothing will happen, i know well that its all come in package. good and bad.
regardless, for now, i still want to stay put. i still want things to be the same. so i pray to God, to keep everyone i love healthy and well. to just give me courage to get through life, to face the obstacles. i ask for strength to fight the very own monster i have in me. i shall be happy with these small steps.
InsyaAllah.
End this post with a pic taken in Bali, at sunrise. Although now it looks a lot like sunset too, isn't it? At a village called Lovina, a lovely place where tourist come to be on boat and chasing the dolphins. I actually pity the dolphin who can't have their peaceful morning swim session with all the boats all around them, but then, i'm one of the human on boat. So I wish for the dolphin to have peaceful time for some other day instead. :)
