right now, i really am not in a good mood. i just can't imagine how my brother will face his fate.
he was not being accepted to any school, while his twin already in a boarding school. and his PMR result, was not bad at all.
i know i make it as if this whole boarding school was so important to us. but hell yeah, it is. it is important.
i just pray that out of that many applications that i sent out, one will be answered. I pray that my brother will be accepted.
and if he did not, i pray that he will be able to face this, and be strong. He needs nothing else but a faith in himself, and a strength to stand up back on his feet.
Amin.
my heart is crying. i pity my brother.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
cos the pain, its not forever
You were probably been thinking that today is the end of your life. Today is the end of the happiness that you have for the longest time in your life. Today is the end of the love that you've once had hold so dearly in your heart.
Think again, because as well as today will be the end of everything that you could think of, it is also the beginning of something else. The pains that you have inside of you today, even though at this moment seems to be like a poison that will taint your soul, will one day become your source of strength.
The miserable feeling of being and getting hurt will at least be so yesterday. The feeling of being taken for granted will no more making you so down and depressed, leaving your heart feeling empty and wretch. The never ending questions on whether he is being loyal, or he is playing around behind your back, will no longer be at back of your mind.
This is the time for you to think of yourself. To focus on what you really want in life, besides him, of course. Think about what you going to do, what your life will be, how you want it to be. This is the time for you to collect back every drops of self-love that you have dropped ever since you were with him. This is the time.
And always remember, the love you have had, no one can take it away from you. It's your. It belongs to you. So feel free to keep it. But don't live with memory. Live for the future, and take that memory of the love you have once had as a keepsake. Don't walk in it, but walk with it. Make it your strength, for it will always be the reminder to yourself, that you have once had a great love, that you will always remember.
Move on, and don't look back. Life is too precious to be wasted with just this.
And please, please always remember to be happy for your own sake.
*its not easy to be wise, knowing how much you must be in pain now. but i guess you will be strong to face this. you know this day will come one day, so embrace it with your strength. stop asking why it happened to you, but always remember that whatever happen, it prepares you for greater challenge up ahead. take a very good care of yourself.
Think again, because as well as today will be the end of everything that you could think of, it is also the beginning of something else. The pains that you have inside of you today, even though at this moment seems to be like a poison that will taint your soul, will one day become your source of strength.
The miserable feeling of being and getting hurt will at least be so yesterday. The feeling of being taken for granted will no more making you so down and depressed, leaving your heart feeling empty and wretch. The never ending questions on whether he is being loyal, or he is playing around behind your back, will no longer be at back of your mind.
This is the time for you to think of yourself. To focus on what you really want in life, besides him, of course. Think about what you going to do, what your life will be, how you want it to be. This is the time for you to collect back every drops of self-love that you have dropped ever since you were with him. This is the time.
And always remember, the love you have had, no one can take it away from you. It's your. It belongs to you. So feel free to keep it. But don't live with memory. Live for the future, and take that memory of the love you have once had as a keepsake. Don't walk in it, but walk with it. Make it your strength, for it will always be the reminder to yourself, that you have once had a great love, that you will always remember.
Move on, and don't look back. Life is too precious to be wasted with just this.
And please, please always remember to be happy for your own sake.
*its not easy to be wise, knowing how much you must be in pain now. but i guess you will be strong to face this. you know this day will come one day, so embrace it with your strength. stop asking why it happened to you, but always remember that whatever happen, it prepares you for greater challenge up ahead. take a very good care of yourself.
Monday, February 16, 2009
my bestfriend's wedding
hmm..i'm still could not believe that the two of them are now married.
but their wedding were beautiful. simple but beautiful.
i was given the chance to witness all the events of their wedding, which at first i had tried to decline, but in the end, i was glad that i did not.
i wish them all the best in their married life. they'll be a happy couple. i just knew it.
* but watching her dad at the wedding, during the tea ceremony had almost brought me to tears. cos i was thinking, will my dad be there during my wedding? and how will i feel at that moment?
anyhow, may you have a blissful married life, dear friends.
but their wedding were beautiful. simple but beautiful.
i was given the chance to witness all the events of their wedding, which at first i had tried to decline, but in the end, i was glad that i did not.
i wish them all the best in their married life. they'll be a happy couple. i just knew it.
* but watching her dad at the wedding, during the tea ceremony had almost brought me to tears. cos i was thinking, will my dad be there during my wedding? and how will i feel at that moment?
anyhow, may you have a blissful married life, dear friends.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
all that glitters, are not gold
first of all, that title has nothing to do with my boss, though he seemed to have used that phrase a few days back.
it's been a long while since i last wrote anything on my blog. but i did some changes to the layout. well..i read somewhere that you need to push out the old ones, so that you can hopefully welcome new ones. i am not sure how true this will be, but anyhow, i had the feeling that my previous layout were too black. too dark. therefore i've changed it to something much pleasurable, i think. perhaps from time to time, i will touch this page up, make it much nicer. we need a nice place to live, don't we? ;P
btw as usual, many things happened. some of it were good ones, some bad ones, while some other just a very normal things.
my boss said my work performance had increased, better than the one at the last time she appraised me. well, i know i can't trust all that she said, but at least i feel better. I did tried to make up some changes, and i am glad she saw it. economy is really bad, and i don't have anyone else to rely on but myself. therefore, i can't gamble with my job. i just can't...
i took over my dad's car. which literally translating to i have to pay all the debts (he did not paid for at least 3 months), i have too settle the servicing payment (the battery went off, the signal broken, and some other things), and i have to think of a way to renew the road tax. OK, it's probably not going to be easy. in fact, it was very very hard. but i figured, i had no choice. and i feel better now, with all the responsibilities under my belly, i hold no grudge againts my dad, and i had no longer gone through those sleepless night thinking about when my dad will ripped my money. i just hope i can reconcile with my dad. i kind of...miss him.
I had always thought that the day of my confession to him will be the most eventful day of my life. I had always thought that it will be very dramatic, and perhaps traumatic. But then, when it happened, i don't even had a gasp on my mouth. it was natural. frightful but natural. and we still contacting each other, although most of the time, he will talk about the girl he's courting. i was hurt, but it wasn't so bad. its like..i don't know how to explain the feeling.
ever since the year my brother was suppose to sit for the exam, i had always pray that they will be accepted to a good school. in fact, i did work on getting some money so that i can pay enough for their tuition fees and everything. but little did i know how things will end up. yes, gladly my brother was accepted to one of the good school. but then, only one of them. one of the twin. i can't contain my dissapointment, and i really feel sorry for my brother. i just can't face the fact that one will move forward, while another one will stay behind. i don't know how the future will be.
next on my schedule will be the wedding of our dearest friends. the two of them. the "my bestfriend's wedding" kind of thing. i thought we could use this time to reconcile, pick up on those pieces that has scattered around our relationship. be matured and enjoy the wedding. but many of us can't turn up for the wedding. so i guess i'm hoping in vain. you can't hope for things that had all being written in your fate. you can't change the future. you just had to be brave enough to face it, and not fall through.
and that is exactly what i will do. raise my chin up, and walk forward. and smile.
it's been a long while since i last wrote anything on my blog. but i did some changes to the layout. well..i read somewhere that you need to push out the old ones, so that you can hopefully welcome new ones. i am not sure how true this will be, but anyhow, i had the feeling that my previous layout were too black. too dark. therefore i've changed it to something much pleasurable, i think. perhaps from time to time, i will touch this page up, make it much nicer. we need a nice place to live, don't we? ;P
btw as usual, many things happened. some of it were good ones, some bad ones, while some other just a very normal things.
my boss said my work performance had increased, better than the one at the last time she appraised me. well, i know i can't trust all that she said, but at least i feel better. I did tried to make up some changes, and i am glad she saw it. economy is really bad, and i don't have anyone else to rely on but myself. therefore, i can't gamble with my job. i just can't...
i took over my dad's car. which literally translating to i have to pay all the debts (he did not paid for at least 3 months), i have too settle the servicing payment (the battery went off, the signal broken, and some other things), and i have to think of a way to renew the road tax. OK, it's probably not going to be easy. in fact, it was very very hard. but i figured, i had no choice. and i feel better now, with all the responsibilities under my belly, i hold no grudge againts my dad, and i had no longer gone through those sleepless night thinking about when my dad will ripped my money. i just hope i can reconcile with my dad. i kind of...miss him.
I had always thought that the day of my confession to him will be the most eventful day of my life. I had always thought that it will be very dramatic, and perhaps traumatic. But then, when it happened, i don't even had a gasp on my mouth. it was natural. frightful but natural. and we still contacting each other, although most of the time, he will talk about the girl he's courting. i was hurt, but it wasn't so bad. its like..i don't know how to explain the feeling.
ever since the year my brother was suppose to sit for the exam, i had always pray that they will be accepted to a good school. in fact, i did work on getting some money so that i can pay enough for their tuition fees and everything. but little did i know how things will end up. yes, gladly my brother was accepted to one of the good school. but then, only one of them. one of the twin. i can't contain my dissapointment, and i really feel sorry for my brother. i just can't face the fact that one will move forward, while another one will stay behind. i don't know how the future will be.
next on my schedule will be the wedding of our dearest friends. the two of them. the "my bestfriend's wedding" kind of thing. i thought we could use this time to reconcile, pick up on those pieces that has scattered around our relationship. be matured and enjoy the wedding. but many of us can't turn up for the wedding. so i guess i'm hoping in vain. you can't hope for things that had all being written in your fate. you can't change the future. you just had to be brave enough to face it, and not fall through.
and that is exactly what i will do. raise my chin up, and walk forward. and smile.
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