it has to be a Happy New Year

2008 will end soon, and here comes 2009. It's a new year, again.

But this new year, i don't think i should make the same mistake i did last year. I hope for the best, but i did nothing. I waited for changes to come and sweep me of my lazy feet, not knowing that changes should start in me, inside. I was always sulking, hurting, suffering, feeling down, crying, etc etc etc, but now it all seems to no end. I kept things to myself, not knowing how stupid that was. And in the end, it does not even make me happy. Worst, it makes me much more troubled.

I'm looking forward for 2009, with big heart and whatnot. I want to somehow go through life more peacefully. Of course i will still be surrounded with problems like my dad gambling addiction and he asking me money and me settling his debts, also things like my never-ending story with 'him', and i will sure to feel my work is not enough..but i guess somehow i make a living out of all that. I will just make sure i manage it better, since this kind of problem not so easy for me to settle at once.

Other than this, i truly just want a better year ahead. Amin.

much i feel about nothing

i don't know what had happened, or why, but lately...after i turn on my pc, click on mozilla, then type the address to my blog, log in, then click on new post, with a presumably anticipation of writing and then...when the wysiwyg open up in front of me, my mind goes blank...(probably it's laziness also, haha)

the thing is, i had a lot in mind, that i feel like writing it off, but the 'thing' just don't come up. i seriously annoyed with this madness.

huu~ i love writing. i love creative writings. i love the language. but i just can't pen down anything at this moment.

duh, brain blockage is definitely annoying. i hope this is not a symptom of...*gulp* menopause.hurm...by any chance, i am still young for that right, no? *pray hard its not*

anyways, since i can't write properly, i will just dish up some random photos i found all over this cyberworld. photos of things that i love, of course...

1. caffeine...the best drug in my life! (minus the jelly, couldn't find better pic lolz)


2. hearty food. nice cake. screw those healthy foods. this is way more appetizing.


3. dress that i can only drool over but can never wear. (ok maybe can if i manage to slim down. positive thinking is blissful. haha.)


4. shoes. love. shoes. love. shoes. love. shoes.


5. i'm a woman, therefore style is essential.


6. i am a couch-person. if only i can get season 1 - 7 of this series, i'll be thankful. muahahha.


7. song that can calm my nerve and set me down a little. not necessary a ballad though. frankly, this song gives me a 'sexy' feeling.



8. mobile phone that has caught my eyes recently. SE? I think I changed my mine, yet again. ;P

9. i love this look. thinking of doing my hair like this. normal, yet edgy. (She's my recent fashion icon, lol)


10. lastly, let me date this guy. please. ohhh~ *droollllllllll*


yeay, eventually this post looks very long and fulfilling, despite the pictorial scene.

till i get my writing muse again. daa. oh yeah, Merry Xmas. New year is coming, yeah!

** All images are courtesy of the widely available source on the internet **

Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I tried to reach for you, but you have closed your mind
Whatever happened to our love, I wish I understood
It used to be so nice, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me SOS
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me SOS
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on

You seemed so far away though you were standing near
You made me feel alive, but something died I fear
I really tried to make it out, I wish I understood
What happened to our love, it used to be so good

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me SOS
The love you gave me, nothing else can save me SOS
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on

So when you're near me, darling can't you hear me SOS
And the love you gave me, nothing else can save me SOS
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on
When you're gone, How can I even try to go on
When you're gone, Though I try how can I carry on

Please, I really am sorry. I should not do what I have done to you.
Tell me what I can do to pay back the damage I have done.

And, I will try to make it up to her as well.

m.e.m.o.r.y

there are times when you stood still and look back at all the paths that you've been through,
you'll find yourself staring at the old pictures - now covered with dusts,
listening to old musics that reminds you of how much you've been happy before,
remembering the ancient routine that had once become part of your daily undertakings.

those moments, having safely kept somewhere hidden underneath your feeling,
shadowing all your weaknesses, sadness and tears.

and those people who have had accompanying you through that journey,
vain images that is now so blurry, become incomprehensible.

time flies. feeling fades. but memory, it remains.

oh well..

i'm back. and these things await...

Mak Su's birthday

Koko's wedding dinner lunch

Christmas Day

My cousin's engagement day

Awal Muharram 1430H

New Year 2009

last but not least, work and more works..lol~

p/s: gotta love this life, babe ;P

i want to write this and send to her but i dare not, so i put it here instead

My dear friend,

First of all, I am sorry for dropping by like this. But I don't know how else I can get to you.

I know I've been treating you badly these few weeks. Perhaps, it has been for months. I am not sure, but it's long enough for me to feel the pain of doing all that to you. Please know that I don’t take pleasure in it at all.

I am just confused. I don’t know where we have been, and where we are now. And I cannot explain why I did that too. Certainly I have my own reason for doing so, but I cannot convey it to you. There are a lot of things on my mind, a lot of pain, a lot of sadness, but I can't find any ways to put it into words. I just can't. I can’t let go of what I have put into my mind, and I can’t dig it out for you to understand.

But whatever it is, please don’t blame yourself. You know well that it’s not your fault to begin with. It’s maybe like what you’ve said before, when there is nothing wrong, nothing is right either. Well anyway you know me; I am always bad at explaining. Maybe because I feel that it's easier to lie to myself, rather than trying to lie to you.

I don't know why I wrote this either. Maybe because I don't want you to think that I have hated you. Maybe because I don't want you to think that I had forgotten our friendship. Maybe because I want you to know that whatever happens, you're the best of friend that I had ever met. You were my friend before, and you will forever be my friend. One specific friend, definitely.

But I can't promise anything for now. I can't promise you that I will change, or taking back whatever steps that I have took. And I don't know how long I will feel this way that I am feeling right now.

I am sorry if I'm making you sad. Even sorrier if whatever I did makes you mad. I really am sorry. And sorry is all that I can offer for now.

Till we meet again, please be happy, wherever you are. Happy belated birthday.

Your friend

best friend

I don't have to worry anymore,
cause you will be by my side when I cry
You always smile at me
I am blessed because you always shine before me
Things that we have missed hastily at time,
that's the way it is
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
Your smile has helped me endless time, you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

These plenty happiness that I felt at this moment
All the friends that I have here,
you the best present
I am blessed because you always be by our side
Surely things that I have accomplished here,
those things too give me strength
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
All of your smile has helped me endless time, you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

Things that we have missed hastily at time,
that's the way it is
Faces that always being looked at
Forever hugging each other
Your smile has helped me endless time,
you know
Thank you thank you Best Friend

Always always always my Best Friend

p/s: listen here