staying up in the blackest of night, i stood by the darkest and most contemptuous abyss, yet again seeing myself dragged down into what seems like the gulf of garbage.
somehow, with some mean realization, i seemed to be awaken, and to admit bitterly, that all along, there was no forces that had been dragging me into the pit. forever, i was the one standing at the edge of destruction, i was the one willing to give in to my nastiest desire, eaten alive by the endless lust that has been burning me to ashes.
i fear for my soul. i fear for what's left of me if i continue to devour my own selfishness. i had not known any life out of it, but i wish to get up, get out of this caged i seemed to prison myself in.
i can’t recall the day when i haven’t met this monster, only to remember the very day i stepped into the darkness. and since then, all it seemed was that i was then only being in and out of it, like a person on the verge of drowning. i keep trying to stay afloat, to be myself, to have the breath of fresh air – yet my own humiliating desire keep hauling me back into the bottom of the sea.
i want to be free. i want out.
