happiness! (yeah such a corny title)

Urghhhh...I forgot my blog password! and how is that even possible, u tell me??!!?

I know i haven't been blogging for a long time. the last one was on the night of my birthday. my freaking 25th birthday! (and why am i making such a big deal with that number 25? haha, i love making it a big deal. its intriguing because i have always wonder what, who and where i will be when i reach that big two five, and ta-da, here am i, with absolutely no wow-things at all. just me and my crappy life.)

Just finished re-watching a movie, "definitely, maybe". It's a sappy love story i would say, but in a way, its kinda true. its clearly playing with the idea that in life, you'll screwed up a hell lot of things which you shouldn't, but in the end, it will bring you to where you were suppose to be. Will my crappy life finally bring me to where i thought i am suppose to be?? Only time will tell.

But anyhow, i am old and *cough* matured *cough* enough to know that you should not get too influenced by movies or drama. But I guess there's nothing wrong from taking a bit of it, here and there, cause in the end, IMO, the scriptwriter wrote that story based on his/her life experiences, or somebody's life experiences, or that somebody's somebody life experiences. My point is, it could have happened in real life. Only possibly with little twist, cause when its in real life, it may does not make any sense at all, unlike in big screen.

Owh my knees are hurting. And i'm having difficulties of breathing. Blah, i am so old style. Even my sickness is old style. pfft.

At one point in that movie, the kid was saying that her father, was not at all happy. But he denied it, saying that he is happy at the moment. Which obviously makes me asking my self then, am i happy?

Like seriously, that could be the easiest question that i had ever asked my self. I am not happy. I don't know how or when I will finally be happy, or even how to make myself happy. Yes, my family is my happiness, without then I'd be worst. But still, there's a small spot in my whole happiness pool that is still left un-fill. And then yes, friends do bring occasional happiness too. Like a little gathering where you were chit-chatting about an entirely non-related stuff, or gossiping. Or when you see in their eyes the friendship. Or even a surprise birthday party! Those kind of things had made me happy for a while, before the cycle goes back again to the same shitty life i have been running in. There's also chocolates, ice-creams, fast-foods and many other fattening foods that I love. They have made me happy a lot of times.

Yeah, these peoples, and things does bring happiness in my life. But it's occasional, and temporary. Which makes me thinking, happily ever after is a real bluff. It does not exist. After all, its always only being written in a fairy tale. Bogus.

So in my opinion, happiness is like something that you can see, you can imagine to have, and you can see other people having it. You see your happiness, you chase it, then it gets further and further away from you. And you keep on running and running, chasing for that little happiness that seems so promising. But before you knew it, you were running in circle, and you still see that little happiness a mile or two away from you. And you begin chasing again.

When will it ends? When you die? I honestly have no idea. And for those who said that they have found their happiness, i am extremely jealous of them, and I wish, by one lucky luck, that happiness will be mine one day.

Till then, I will live this life the way I like it, the way that is okay for me. I know that does not sound good at all, but hey, thats me. :)

Oh yeah and i get this from another movie. "Stop waiting for your life to begin, cause you are already living in it. It has already started." - something like this. Guess from what film? :P