smile. or fake it.

Well I learnt a valuable lesson today. Nobody cares if you fake a smile, as long as you do, but if you put on a sour face, everybody will say that you’re such a moody person.

A colleague approached me during lunchtime today. We were standing and looking at a friend’s photo on another friend’s computer screen. It was totally a leisure time. I was being socially friendly with all of them, when she said “I wanted to ask you this morning, but i saw that you were so moody, so i dare not”. From her tone, I knew that she don’t meant well. She just wanted to sarcastically remind me of my moody behaviour early in the morning. But she say it in front of others, and try to put it as a joke. Oh well, kid me not. I know a fake joke like the back of my hand. I can see through her.

But like i said, it was a good leisure time. I don’t plan to be mad, although her words was enough to fuel my anger. In normal circumstances, I will probably reply her with some nasty sarcasm. But not today. I just don’t have the energy. So all i said was, “Oh so sorry, I was in bad state. KY is leaving and suddenly I am the stand-in. I totally had no idea about her project, and only have 3 days to learn it.”

“Oh really? Why not ask KP to help you?”
”Cannot lah, if he help me, then how about his work”
”He got nothing to do la..I see him always walk around doing nothing”

At that remark, I shut my mouth. I really have no reply for her. Not that I’m agreeing with her about how KP is spending his time doing nothing, but because I was stunned by how narrow minded her remarks was. Does sitting unmoving all day at your desk considered as “busy doing work”? So if i take a break every hour, walking to another table or another office to have a discussion, and being immaterial at my desk, i will be considered as “having nothing to do”?
Seriously?

Until now i still feel hurt by her words. I thought of putting my rants on facebook (for her to see of course!), but then i realized, it’s not even worth it. A person as shallow as that will only see her trouble, not others.

As for the smile, i know for sure i will not be able to plaster some fake smile onto my face when i walk into the office tomorrow. Or the day after. Or any other day. Smile or not smile, it’s my mouth. I can’t fake it. So too bad if they see me as a moody person, because I care not for what they think of me. I never pretend. Truth is, that’s one of my weakness. I can’t pretend.