but a little incident happened today that made me realized the reason of me finding her so special in my life
We were talking like always, complaining about office stuffs and all. Since last year, whenever we talked about work and office and management, it has always been a very "tense" subject. And so today it is still the same. Each of us blurting about our dissatisfaction about our work. And then suddenly, just after i finished a sentence full of hatefulness towards my job, she answered me with
"...if you don't like the job, then stop complaining and leave"
I was so shocked with that sentence of her and found myself being mocked by an ugly feeling of distrust. And as an action of spontaneity, I raised up and said that we two should leave. (With sour face already masked). And guess what she did?
She pointed to me her teh tarik, which is still half the glass, and asked me to sit. Well, i have not known anyone so patient like that. I was so much into getting angry, and her act soften me like...err, i'm running out of words to describe it. Maybe its like beehoon being soaked in water..hehe. And then she explained to me that those words came from her sister, but in reality we still need someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Well maybe i can be sarcastic and take that as she is just plainly trying to "cool" me off, but damn it, who cares. Her act of coolness really cool me off at times.
but anyhow, if it wasn't her who said that, i would really fall into the grave of distrust that i had always buried myself in. Get me?
I was never a person who actually trust anyone. My sense of doubt had actually controlling my entire soul, making me someone who is always try to be careful in whatever that i get myself involved in. I never trust a friend for that i was once saw how they end up stabbing you from behind. I never trust my parents, for that now all of their good old promises was emptied and drained by the wrecked of their marriage.I never trust anyone, and as much as possible, I try not to depend on anyone. For years, the tough side of me has taken over any softness that i may have, making me someone who is always full of sarcasm. and i was very careful not to let my emotional self run over me, not until i met 6 of them.
it was hard from the start. for countless time, i had tried to run away. forget the damn thing of being a good close friend. but the more i run from it, the more my heart yearn for the comfort that they had offered. and so, there, i let my guarded heart tangled with theirs, and i put my whole-hearted trust upon them. hell with all the risk, i told myself to forget it.
so, when she mocked me by saying such things, it occurred to me that if i swallowed the words, i will soon plant the seed of distrust on her and our friendship. That will be the very last thing that i would want to do, for sure. And it feels like being hit by an old memory, because somewhere sometimes ago, someone talked to me on something like that, and even though i had accepted those "words", i never trust that someone anymore. I guess now i understand the feeling when your current action being shadowed by the past. Its killing...
lucky for me, i have a friend with great patience. and only she can do that...I'm sure of it.
She pointed to me her teh tarik, which is still half the glass, and asked me to sit. Well, i have not known anyone so patient like that. I was so much into getting angry, and her act soften me like...err, i'm running out of words to describe it. Maybe its like beehoon being soaked in water..hehe. And then she explained to me that those words came from her sister, but in reality we still need someone to talk to. Someone to listen. Well maybe i can be sarcastic and take that as she is just plainly trying to "cool" me off, but damn it, who cares. Her act of coolness really cool me off at times.
but anyhow, if it wasn't her who said that, i would really fall into the grave of distrust that i had always buried myself in. Get me?
I was never a person who actually trust anyone. My sense of doubt had actually controlling my entire soul, making me someone who is always try to be careful in whatever that i get myself involved in. I never trust a friend for that i was once saw how they end up stabbing you from behind. I never trust my parents, for that now all of their good old promises was emptied and drained by the wrecked of their marriage.I never trust anyone, and as much as possible, I try not to depend on anyone. For years, the tough side of me has taken over any softness that i may have, making me someone who is always full of sarcasm. and i was very careful not to let my emotional self run over me, not until i met 6 of them.
it was hard from the start. for countless time, i had tried to run away. forget the damn thing of being a good close friend. but the more i run from it, the more my heart yearn for the comfort that they had offered. and so, there, i let my guarded heart tangled with theirs, and i put my whole-hearted trust upon them. hell with all the risk, i told myself to forget it.
so, when she mocked me by saying such things, it occurred to me that if i swallowed the words, i will soon plant the seed of distrust on her and our friendship. That will be the very last thing that i would want to do, for sure. And it feels like being hit by an old memory, because somewhere sometimes ago, someone talked to me on something like that, and even though i had accepted those "words", i never trust that someone anymore. I guess now i understand the feeling when your current action being shadowed by the past. Its killing...
lucky for me, i have a friend with great patience. and only she can do that...I'm sure of it.
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