moving ahead

its been, umm...1 month and 3 weeks since my dear bestie left the company, and 3 weeks since my jie left. How do i feel?

I truly don't know. Its either something inside me still crumpling and crushing and waiting for the right time to burst out, or...I am over with the thought that they had left. How I wish it is the second one. :(

Everytime I reached the bus stop, I will look for my bestie's face. We used to wait for the bus together. Oh no, at first i am the type that came super early to office. Super early. And then, I learned to wait for her, and started to come in a little bit later. And I realized that I began to love spending time talking to her when we wait for the bus, and during the bus riding. Small talks..but it brought out friendliness from inside me.

And then, we will proceed with breakfast. My jie will everyday says she will try to come early and join us (which most of the time she failed to do so :P). Breakfast was fun too, cause I will get to spend some more time talking to my bestie.

And then we'll reach office at around 9+. Still okay. And start work.

A few minutes later, we will hear the door sound, followed by kling-klang-kling-klang (note: the keys sound). Don't even need to turn my head around, I knew for sure that will be my jie. But I will look in her face though, cause this jie is always sad, so sometimes (or maybe for many times), she will come with red puffy eyes as the result of crying. And if that is the case, I will be sad too. My bestie will be sad too. I don't know how it works, but it is like our feeling is mutual, and its related to each other. So one down, all will be down. (It sounded freaky and untrue, but its true.) But, some other times, my jie will cme with all the good mood, and looks like a sunshine. Pink color sunshine :P

Working is like normal. I will get instructions from my jie (she's actually my Supervisor), and do my work. We will discuss over things, big or small, and laugh and cry together. And then we do some stupid things like fondling over the printer (and printing out a total mess). At the same time, me and bestie will talk over msn. Again, stupid talks, but thats what bring us along together.

Lunch. We used to go with a big group. Then it reduces into small group. And sometimes end up only me and bestie. My jie will go with her boy, much much later. They never hungry when working together I guess :P

Back to work. Resume the same things like in the morning.

After 6. Time to go home. I don't usually stays back unless there's a really important work to finish. so I will go with my bestie before 7, to catch our bus. Again, more time for small talks and silliness.

Dinner. During those time when my bestie was having problem with her ex, we spent quite a lot of time being together. So sometimes we will walk for dinner at around her place.

Am I being silly writing this? I don't know if its alright to keep thinking about the past. But how do i forget something that had been so precious to my life?

I was a colorless person before I met them. I don't put on hope, I don't trust, I don't even share on how I feel with others. No one would be important enough for me to do so. But with them, I was being somebody whom I never seen before, but I felt comfortable being one. Its like, I finally found my root. I can see the colors, and become lively. Of course not at all time happy, but thats the true life. Emotions rolling over. I cried in front of them (this will sound fake as I cried alot in front of them, but I really had NEVER cried in front of anybody else before, not even in front of my mom).

Now, its all in the past. I was being a shithead when they were around, and I had never really appreciate their existence. And now that they had gone, I felt so...empty. And cold inside.

If I had a chance, I will want to be better. Better friend for them. But I'd missed that chance, and now its all gone. None. Na-da.

And I am back to where I used to belong. Colorless.