The unspoken words of love

So what with love..that everyone yearns about it? I bet we all know about the famous tell-tale of love, of how it hurts and how much pain it brings. But love, undeniably brings joy and happiness to those who really survive its game. And who are those lucky people? Who knows...

Me, im not the lucky ones. I never was. Love is either too hurtful for me, or i hate to even admit its existence. Love appears to me in the face of someone who was never looking at my direction, in the face of someone who treat me as a mere 'sister', in the face of someone who was juggling between options, in the face of someone who is too indecisive and too much of himself, and in the face of someone who will never even realize my existence, cos he is busy caring for someone else...

Handful, huh? And talk about how much hurt that these people had brought into my life. Call me emotional, yes i am, but for a good reason. These people appeared before me, touched my heart, and thats it. I was left alone cold with nothing. Not even a nice memory to be remembered.

Someone told me that i am too 'close', an in, in my world, its only me and myself. I dont share my problems, i frowned every single moments and im super emotional. But, its not the way i want to lead my life as well. With my parents and their ugly marriage, a betrayal from someone whom i had once called 'bestfriend', unclear future...its all jumble up and messy. The only nice thing that i can think of is to let go of everything, and run from my life. But as if i can...and as if i would. Despite of all the challenges, frustration and God-knows-what, I simply refused to give up. My hope, my dream, my vision...its all still there.

Sigh, I want to do something big in life, but i just dont know what...maybe not yet.