the value of friendship

its very hard for me write this...without being emotional.

Today, after the weekends of discovery, I have to face my bestie with a smile, the normal ones. God knows how I felt so hurt inside, and how much i want to burst the anger on her. But then, I guess she's more than just a bestie to me. She's my best buddy...at least thats what i had always thought...

If the truth is really that she is only using me, I will be so so so sad. I guess I can't even imagine that to be actually happen. All these while, all the outings, caring that we shared, laughter...everything, if its really meant for their personal purposes, I will really 'patah hati'. I can't bear to even imagine it. My heart sore...

I hope things will not get so messy as I predicted. I hope I'm really their friend, at least. I hope those moments were true. I hope I'm as important to them as they are to me...

For time being, I've decided to back-off. Anyway, that will be for their own goods as well. They need all the time and spaces to develop their relationship. What am i going to do if i were to be there? Lamp post? I just wish that they care to explain the truth to me.

Words can't describe how miserable I felt now. Deep inside, I wish that its all a dream. A bad ones.

to the unknown value of friendship, I hope they won't forget me. I am still here.

p/s: the day became even worst after my super suxx training session. I think I am havng a phobia now. I am so scared to face people.