the silence is deafening

its been a while since the last time i wrote. there's a lot of going on here and there, but i guess i am not going to write it all here. this blog was never meant to be a place for me to 'chatter' about my not-so-interesting-yet-so-complicated life. its just for me to pin down what i have in mind..on somewhere. for whatever worth it may have...

i guess i did not really react as how i say or how i decided. I have decided to treat my bestie as usual, but it turns out that i was deceiving her. I didn't meant to, i know its all wrong. but i guess..its just a spontaneous response over what i felt inside. really...

but the more i deceive her, the more it hurts me. I'm used to sit next to her, listen to her stories, crack joke for her, talk to her, and many more. and when i stop doing all that, i feel as if parts of me is being taken away. Seeing her laughing happily makes me feel pain cos i cant share the happiness. Seeing her walking her way makes me feel sad cos i cant walk together with her. and to be just a silence doll next to her is just too painful...

we went for an outing just now. all 5 of us. and something happen.

out of nowhere, my platform shoes 'koyak'. It was embarrassing, but the way she react to it really makes me realize how much i need her. She was the one rushing for a new shoes for me, straight away asking my size and all. i know its just a plain thing, maybe she react to that spontaneously. But for me, to have someone willing to do anything for you, especially at the moment when u need it the most, is what makes me 'softer'. I'm thankful to have my bestie around.

life is unpredictable. who you going to meet, whats going to happen, its all unpredictable. you wont know, not until at the very moment that is it happening. and now i understand that.

so i have a little note for her, if she happens to read this.

Dear A,
We met each other by fate.
We've became friend by choice.

I'm really thankful for having you around.
Even though we are really like a summer and an autumn,
but we have survived it till now.
Even though i'm always being so 'childish' with my actions,
and you always being so 'cold' with your actions,
i guess thats how we live our life.
We're different, yet we share the same feeling.
And for whatever reason it is, i swear, that i will treasure this friendship forever.
I miss you, and sorry for my 'misbehaviour'
I'm truly sorry

Hmm...again i sound so childish.