all that glitters, are not gold

first of all, that title has nothing to do with my boss, though he seemed to have used that phrase a few days back.

it's been a long while since i last wrote anything on my blog. but i did some changes to the layout. well..i read somewhere that you need to push out the old ones, so that you can hopefully welcome new ones. i am not sure how true this will be, but anyhow, i had the feeling that my previous layout were too black. too dark. therefore i've changed it to something much pleasurable, i think. perhaps from time to time, i will touch this page up, make it much nicer. we need a nice place to live, don't we? ;P

btw as usual, many things happened. some of it were good ones, some bad ones, while some other just a very normal things.

my boss said my work performance had increased, better than the one at the last time she appraised me. well, i know i can't trust all that she said, but at least i feel better. I did tried to make up some changes, and i am glad she saw it. economy is really bad, and i don't have anyone else to rely on but myself. therefore, i can't gamble with my job. i just can't...

i took over my dad's car. which literally translating to i have to pay all the debts (he did not paid for at least 3 months), i have too settle the servicing payment (the battery went off, the signal broken, and some other things), and i have to think of a way to renew the road tax. OK, it's probably not going to be easy. in fact, it was very very hard. but i figured, i had no choice. and i feel better now, with all the responsibilities under my belly, i hold no grudge againts my dad, and i had no longer gone through those sleepless night thinking about when my dad will ripped my money. i just hope i can reconcile with my dad. i kind of...miss him.

I had always thought that the day of my confession to him will be the most eventful day of my life. I had always thought that it will be very dramatic, and perhaps traumatic. But then, when it happened, i don't even had a gasp on my mouth. it was natural. frightful but natural. and we still contacting each other, although most of the time, he will talk about the girl he's courting. i was hurt, but it wasn't so bad. its like..i don't know how to explain the feeling.

ever since the year my brother was suppose to sit for the exam, i had always pray that they will be accepted to a good school. in fact, i did work on getting some money so that i can pay enough for their tuition fees and everything. but little did i know how things will end up. yes, gladly my brother was accepted to one of the good school. but then, only one of them. one of the twin. i can't contain my dissapointment, and i really feel sorry for my brother. i just can't face the fact that one will move forward, while another one will stay behind. i don't know how the future will be.

next on my schedule will be the wedding of our dearest friends. the two of them. the "my bestfriend's wedding" kind of thing. i thought we could use this time to reconcile, pick up on those pieces that has scattered around our relationship. be matured and enjoy the wedding. but many of us can't turn up for the wedding. so i guess i'm hoping in vain. you can't hope for things that had all being written in your fate. you can't change the future. you just had to be brave enough to face it, and not fall through.

and that is exactly what i will do. raise my chin up, and walk forward. and smile.