pretty little things

it's already half-way through december now. like i said before, it amazed me to see how quick time flies, and how nothing changed in me make me feel depressed. I can't quite explain what kind of changes that I was actually looking for. It's just that, I keep on hoping for my life to begin...when deep inside i knew that my life already begun long ago, and i'm already half-way through it.

maybe the outcomes of my journey so far are what giving me this unbearable state of grievance. it's like, i keep on hoping for something more than what i have now. much more.

then i read a blog from a girl who used to be such a head-strong teenager, outspoken and out-there - nowadays she writes about how miserable she feels, how weak and troublesome. at first i thought that even the hardest rock will change, but then i realize, this girl is still the same strong girl i knew from before. she used to be so strong and powerful enough to boast about her great many achievements in life, now she still strong and powerful enough to admit how life was no longer so great, but she keeps on fighting. truly, i admire this girl so much.

i wish i can be that strong. but being out there, letting people know how i feel, is a big NO for me. i feel like if they know about my weakness, they will push me down, and kill me. i still don't know if this is a right kind of thinking, but at least, it keeps me free from any unnecessary heart-ache so far.

i'm totally rambling tonite. better be off before i start talking about the dustbin under my table.