Ramadhan had sure gave me some time to feel calm, and despite of all life difficulty, i still manage to stand up and be myself. (Excuse me for praising myself). But I guess Ramadhan had made me developed a funny insight as well...like,
Warning : A highly imagination bed-time story. Please don't laugh too much, later you cannot stop. Oh, and please...don't puke. Because there's a huge possibility of you getting nausea when reading whatever i'm going to write below.
Being the respectful wife of Mr. AM
Introduction : Who is AM?
Well, AM is my ex-classmate. I met him when i was in my lower-secondary school. Back then, he was this cute small guy that talk softly. He was actually like a small kid in that class. He has a nice smile. I don't remember him talked to me so much or anything, but we did talked of course. Futhermore, we were in the same homeroom, so we met quite often. Although I may not fall for him (at that time), I think he kind of like a person who make you feel comfortable. Oh ya, i remember another thing, we're not only same homeroom, we also become the Pekerja Koperasi together. Haih...now i feel sad that i had never made any effort of savouring those times.
Courting Game : AM the messenger
When i was in Form 1, there was this senior who admired me. Oh well, you know, those monkey-puppy-whatever love thingy. Somehow, that senior was AM roommate. So well, you know how the senior-junior relationship works right? That senior used AM as his meesenger when he was courting me. AM was made to pass things to me from the senior, things like Nasi Lemak after night-prep or chocolate, and other things i had forgotten. (Actually i'd only remember the Nasi Lemak clearly, so maybe its just that.) So me and AM always had to talk. He will come and give me the "thing" from the senior, I will then pass him message to pass to the senior. Those moment could be the most time that we spent together in that school.
Final Year : The shocking truth
During the final year exam season, one of my closest friend told me a shocking truth. Somehow, it is known among the guys in my class that AM admired me! I was shocked, because even though i had never hated him, i had never so much of admiring him either. So its like, whoa, got people like me. Syiok! But then i cannot do anything already at that time, cause we were almost at the end of our schoolterm and after that we will be separated into different school. So, even after knowing that AM likes me (or used to like me, or maybe just a pinch of feeling towards me, anything la), I cannot go tell him that , "ok we can try". No such thing!. He's too shy, and so do i. So i let it go any never hope for anything.
Reunion : Things changed
After around 4 years later, my classmate organized a reunion. I planned to attend, but i had chickened out at the very last moment. So, i didn't join the reunion. the thing is, right after the reunion news (and photos) spread around among us, my classmates. From the photos, i saw a lot of different look of some familiar people. Including AM! He looked totally different from what he used to be when we were in the lower-secondary school. Much more matured. All the girls talked about him. Me? I regretted my decision of not attending the reunion cause then i had lost the opportunity of contacting him, (at least!)
Ramadhan & the light : Is it shining at me?
By a twist of fate, I get my internet at home again. Eventually, i logged in onto my YM because of you-know-who. But then I saw AM was online. It suddenly occured to me that, is everyone having the same "attitude" like me, where, once i like a person, i will forever have a hot for that person? Because if thats the case, then AM maybe still liking me. But we had never talked on YM. I am too shy to start a conversation with him. So I just stared at his name on my YM list. It brings back memories, and thought, like...did i missed out a huge opportunity?
Dream : Being Mrs. AM, can I?
Then I started to imagine, what will it be if AM said, he still likes me. Mind you, AM is now still studying in Adelaide, Australia, pursuing his Doctor degree (dont know what it is called). He'll be coming back end of this year, as a doctor. AM came from a respectful, yet humble family. I met his dad before, when i was in the lower-sec school. In AM's friendster page, I saw his famiy photos. All of them look decent. I feel warm.
But then, I don't know if i can ever be the right girl for AM. Now in Adelaide, he is the leader of major student body there. Knowing AM, he is good in being a leader. And he is a good Muslim too. And it is written in somewhere that, "A good man is for a good girl, and defectful man is for the defectful girl".
I feel hopeless, and all the imagination being bleached away by reality. AM will be a doctor, a well-known respectful job, while me still struggling with my odd jobs. AM came from a good family, while me, no one in the family know what good is. AM is a good Muslim, while me, I'm still struggling to even fulfilling all the basic obligations. AM is a good leader, while me, I hardly guiding myself correctly even.
AM gets the full scored, while me, I dare not even say it out. hopeless. there's no chance for me to score against him. I know if he likes me, he will need to accept all my flaws. But its my policy that i must be the compatible partner for my partner. And i'm the person who follow my policy. Duh, if only i realized this opportunity earlier, I might as well shaped myself better. Now AM won't even lay his eyes on me, for sure. :(
But I feel like we'll make a cute couple, haha.
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