Angah

That's what I call my second brother. He was born 5 years after me, a cute chinese-look baby boy with sepet eyes. I don't remember being close to him or anything. Because of the age-gap and personality differences, me and angah don't really conversed, we talked, but more on necessity rather than actually talking. And when i was still busy fiddling with my life, without even realizing how fast the time had passed, my little brother angah is now 19 years old. Old enuff eh?

He was born on 23rd May, 2 months before the expected date, a pre-matured baby. That day, my mom had a bad asthma attack, and felt pain in her stomach. We called the Bidan. And this stupid bidan mistook my mom's pregnancy pain as a sign of laboring, without checking the baby's age or anything. So forcefully, angah was born, at home. If he was born at the hospital, he would be sure to be kept under the blue-ray whatever-the-name baby container for pre-mature baby. But since the bidan was stupid enough to say that angah will be fine, and my dad was careless enough to not bother about it, angah had a brain damaged that caused him to have slowness in his brain ability. Surprised? Oh don't be, caused the real surprise is when my parents only know that fact 11 years after.

As a baby, angah was a normal one. In fact, if I were to do a comparison of who is the cutest among 6 of us when we were a baby, angah will sure be the one to win that competition. He has no hair, not even a proper eye-brow. His skin is the color of white-pink, and he has a pair of cute chinese-eyes. There was this one old photo of him, maybe when we was around 5-6 months, and he looked like a chinese baby boy coming from a Malay parents. He was that cute, seriously.

At the age of 6, my parents sent him to the Kemas kindergarten. But instead of properly studying and playing in his class, angah went to the school basement and played there, alone. I bet if I asked him if he ever remembered any of his classmates in that class, the answer will be Zero. I was in Standard 4 at that time, and a very good student in that school. Teachers and parents are talking about our differences, and I was called, many times, to persuade my little brother to go in his class and join his classmate. Did I hate him at that time? I am not trying to fake it, but I never did. I had never hate him. I love him, and I don't feel anything about the huge differences of brain capacity between us. After all, he is my little brother. I love him, unconditionally. Or maybe, half of me does not even care how my brother is.

Angah had never excel in anything at school. Nothing. I don't know if he was being pressured by teachers or by my good-student shadow, he seems to be comfortably living in his own world. He was too slow to cope with the other kids, and after few cases of failure, he was really being left out. I don't know if he has any friends back then in school. All I know was he seems to be contented with being his own friend, by himself.

At the age of 11, angah was transfered to the Pendidikan Khas class. It is a special class for under-achievers.

When kids in his age having the UPSR examination, angah is still in class, learning like a 5 years old kid.

When kids in his age battling with PMR, angah was sitting for his UPSR. The result, straight Es.

When kids his age fighting with SPM, the so-called most important examination in Malaysia, angah was in his class, learning Living Skills.

He started to show no interest in school after his twin brothers entered Form 1. They were in the same school, and I believed, angah felt embarrassed. His brothers in a good class, even if its not the best class, it is still nowhere near his Pendidikan Khas class. He started to skip classes. Where the hell i was at that time? I was too busy with my sucky uni life to bother about my brother's Pendidikan Khas study. After all, what is there to be done right?

He stopped schooling at the age of 18. Few months before he was supposed to sit for his PMR examination. No doubt, he will sure to score straight Es again. But instead of dragging his a** to school, he quited and started to work. God knows how frustrated my mom was. My dad? No difference. As long as he can smoke his cheap cigarette and watch TV3 news as 8 pm, other than that does not really matters to him. I think so.

Angah don't have a stable job. Without qualification and with his slow-ness, I have no idea what job he can actually do. But anyway, he did many kind of jobs. He works in the workshop during weekdays, and at pasar malam selling bundle cloth every Friday. He earns enough to cover his own life. He enjoys a lot. Pity him. He hangs out with bunch of screwed kids, who will always know when angah got his salary. So every time salary day, angah will spend his money, to belanja those people that he thought as his friends. I wonder if those kids having the same idea, or they are just using his money for fun. My mom cried, told me that angah hangs out with the wrong kids, but what can i do? Select who can be his friend ah? After all, my brother is not a prince. He's a school-quitter.

Then angah be-friend with one middle-age-single-guy whom he called Brother Nas. At first, its all seems fine. Angah wake up at 6 am to go to work with that Brother Nas, come back at 7pm at night, everyday. But angah only seems to be happy for at least, one month. Then we discovered that Brother Nas never paid angah's salary as expected. Instead, he asked angah to borrow money from my mom, and loan that money to him. Smart right? Again, my mom cried, told me that Brother Nas had cheated angah, but what can i do? Go slap that guy ah?

Angah then found a job as driver's assistant. It was a good job and he earned more than enough for his simple life. With that salary, he will buy my mom a pack of 20kgs rice, 2 packs of coarse sugar, and two packs of flour, every month. The rest of the money, he will spend it happily.

When angah bought himself a carton of 12 boxes cigarette for himself, my dad stole it from his room.

Angah saved an amount of money, and asked me to buy him Nokia phone at the cost of RM 590. On the third day of using that pretty phone, it got stolen when angah was at a sleep-over at his friend place. Did anyone care to admit? Of course no. Angah cried. My mom cried. But what can i do? Report to police over a stolen mobile phone and tell them that the suspect might be his bestfriend ah?

3 weeks ago, angah quited his job. My mom cried, told me that angah will end up being like my dad. What can i do? Persuade him to go back to work ah? Or slap my dad for giving such 'good' example?

2 weeks ago, angah was caught stealing my mom's money. My mom cried, told me that angah had became a wild kid. What can i do? Guard my mom's room so that angah will not go in and rob her? Or give him money so that he will not stealing?

Last week, my mom called and said that my cousin want to bring angah to KL, work with him in his restaurant. My mom said that she wants angah to go. Maybe if he stays away from home, he will start to think maturely enough not to spoil his future anymore. I had expressed my concern, and try to stop that idea. But mom disagree with me. Then I said "Okay, we give it a try then"

Today, mom called and said angah did not want to go. In fact, angah did not return home since yesterday, afraid of being force to go to KL. My mom called, crying, saying that angah made her embarrassed. People want to help him, he refused to give cooperation. And when I said, "Mom, maybe we should not force him,....", and guess what my mom said? "You're just like your father, so ignorance, say me forcing him. If i don't force, like anybody else will care about him. He has no more future. But you and your dad instead telling me not to force him"

So, what should i do now? Ignore him, like my dad? Force him, like my mom?

Does this means, angah has no future anymore? Me, I hold a degree bachelor. Does that means I have a future? If there's a future, why is it the roads ahead seems so blurry and unknown. If there's a future, why do I have to wake up everyday with fears of moving on with my life. If there's a future, why don't I see my tomorrow?

My mom was very frustrated when I don't study Medic. She always wants me to be a doctor, but instead, I become a low-level executive working in a company of many dramas. Did I choose to have this kind of future? Or is it because of my ignorance, that I ended up in this mess? If I change my job, is that means I will have a future?

Am i being too negative here? *sigh*