what i want to say

I'm not a confronters. I am just not. I guess it is because i'm too scared to be in the situation of confronting to someone, that I'd rather my problems just slipped away with assumptions. Anyway, as long as i kept those assumptions within myself, it is still fine right? It's not like i'm bad-mouthing anyone!

But there's a lot of things that I want to say to many people out there, but I don't find a way to say them. So I guess blurting it out here is not a bad idea. I hope this will release my not-so-well soul. I'm one inch close to be collapsed!

"You're just a phase. I will forget you in no time. I will just need to bear with the feeling now!"

"You're so mean. Why do you have to hide everything. Don't you know that your nasty little secret always find it ways crawling to me? Don't you know that it is so damn annoying to see you telling lies?!"

"Why on earth do I get the blame? Is it wrong for me to even say anything? How do you judge one's future, just based on whatever that happens now. And it is so not fair for you to hate me, I'm just trying to sooth you?!"

"Don't you know how to appreciate? For someone who has always wait for you, don't you know how to take are of that person? All you did was hurting!"

"I don't want to live in this faking little world anymore. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to have anything at all to do with you!"

"Stop making it as if people will showered you with pity. Stop asking me things like 'You will miss me right?', 'Is that a good idea, they wont like it rite?', etc. I hate you, I hate your questions. I hate the fate that bring us together"

"Stop saying things as if you don't think that you're the most beautiful person among us. Your actions speak louder than that, if you didn't realized it"

And these are what I wish I could shout to myself....with a slap

"why do you have to be so damn sad? do you think if nothing happens between them, he will actually turn his head on you? why do you have to be so damn pathetic?"

"get over with it. everyone live with pain, and they survived. don't try to make it as if you're so in pain and try to get some pity from people. it's so annoying"

"stop dreaming. stop dreaming. stop dreaming"

"no one will bother about you. just moved on. fucking moved on!"

"you know this will happen. why do you have to be so frustrated about it? can't you just move on and get it over with."

"your little imagination brings you nowhere, stop it"






ergh, life is just so damn tiring and frustrating right now. i wish i can bang myself on the wall, and disperse from this universe. i wish i can just walk away, get it done and over with. but so many wishes, so little of them being granted. right now i don't know which one of them that is actually hurting me. when all the shits thrown to you at all the same time, you will feel nothing but a sane hurtful feeling. and it's eating you up like a poison. and to actually feel the pain in your heart is like having to eat those sharp blades down. with every turning, it cuts on something inside you, and each time, you feel the pain.

will my life gets any worse than this?